Death Raven

I baked "rolled" cookies and they don't suck. It's a miracle!

I had visions of frosted cookies, only the recipes I keep finding for Royal Icing call for "meringue powder", which Safeway apparently doesn't carry. And my "Gourmet Cooking for Idiots" doesn't have anything. (yes, it's THAT series with the bright yellow cover). My Food Companion only describes it but does not provide suggestions on how to deal with this (do I whip up some meringue, bake it and then crush it? Oh hell.. that's too much work)

So...I'm surfing the net for something I can use. Right now it's a race between the folks snacking on the (Mickey Mouse shaped gingerbread and sugar) cookies (2 kids, 1 husband, 2 inlaws) and my ability to halt them in time to frost the cookies. It's all good... I mastered making my own mojitos last weekend. Turns out I have a muddler! Who knew! So... sipping and surfing and hoping to get some cookies frosted before they are gone.

Happy Holidays to all. Be safe. Be calm. Be kind.

Super N is still grounded. This means no media.. no TV, no computers, etc. That was interesting to juggle last weekend. At one point I banished both kids to clean their rooms while I revelled in the freedom to watch movies that were totally inappropriate for young eyes and ears. Last night during what would have been family snuggle time in front of the TV we had, instead, quiet time while Daddy read "The Lightning Thief" to everyone. The kids folded laundry, I tidied up after dinner and we all listened. It was awesome. He read for an hour straght.. I usually put myself to sleep when I read aloud, but he carried on. And he did voices and drama as well. Did I say it was awesome already? It was. I could listen to that every night.

( shoe therapy )

Parenting.. Just when you think you've got a grasp on it.( Read more... )

All this on the heals of a really aweful afternoon which was capped off when I addressed one manager in a room of managers and saying, "I'm leaving at 4pm. I'm not working overtime to review your report. If you left it at my desk after I left for lunch, then I suggest you go get it and bring it to me because I'm scheduled solid from 1pm to 4pm. And since I got in before 7am, I'm leaving straight from my last meeting to my car. Otherwise, you can wait until tomorrow." That was QUITE sassy given who the audience was. Was it "aggressive" or "assertive"? It wasn't ranty, so it probably depends on how comfortable the listener is with plain honesty. The manager sent his report writer zooming off to my desk to get the report because it really was THAT important. And since I was determined to throw myself off the cliff, I followed THAT up with, "Let's all be clear about expectations. I generally get here before 7am. I leave at 4pm. I have a lot of meetings. If you know you have something due, do not wait until lunch time the day it is due to give it to me because it's unlikely it will be signed. If it's so important that you think I should work overtime, then please show me that you worked overtime before you waited PAST the last minute to give it to me. Otherwise, if it's not urgent to you, it's definitely not urgent to me."

My boss was out today, but regardless I'm SURE I'll hear about this behind closed doors tomorrow. I just don't see the point in rewarding bad behavior. And yet... I'm kind of not worried. Cuz, frankly, I rock. And I wore my 5-inch HarajukuLovers to work today and they gave me 4-5 inches of added height.. which made me feel really tall and I could loom... or flash my sexy ankle straps...( photo behind cut )

I love shoes... I do. I totally do. And amazingly, almost every man I bumped into today aged 30+ complimented me on them... I was very surprised. Maybe someone else has some insight into that.

I worked from 6:45 am to 7:20pm on Friday. Kiddos who work long days don't have to go to the following daily 7:30 am meeting. They get to go to work a little late. Yay! I'm going running. I plan to roll in around 9:30am with a Diet Coke, a Banana and a smile. Hurrah for lounging in bed past 4am!

In other bits of commentary, men are definitely wired differently:

Him: When do you plan on having that project done?
Me: 12th Night.
Him: There's no way that's going to happen. You're going to fail.
Me *pause with direct eye contact*: Don't undermine me.
Him: I'm not undermining you, I'm telling you how it is.
Me: By telling me I'm going to "fail", you undermine me.
Him: No, I'm not. There are X number of weekends between now and then, I watched you work on the first part and you don't have enough time.

And there begins a conversation about how men communicate, how women communicate, who thinks context matters, and what we mean when we string certain words together. It wasn't a fight (there was no report of an earthquake in Contra Costa County last night). There was a lot of "what I mean", a dash of fake-pontification and a healthy dose of staged humor. It ended in laughing and I promptly cancelled a day of running errands to scurry into my workshop (how did I lose 2 weekends in November? I have to get cracking!!!) We finally agreed that the other was weird and 'weird' spelled differently is "wired".

I'm going to miss Investiture. Drat! I made other plans without looking at the SCA calendar. I'm bummed - I'd sure like to see Gillian step up as Princess. And I'd like to see Princess Leticia again, as well, before she steps down.

See... If I had an iPhone this wouldn't have happened. Clearly I need unblocked internet access 24-7 otherwise my social calendar is just a mess. I lust for a PDA that has internet access... They are too far out of my ball park and for the same money I'm also eye-balling the Garmin Forerunner, which is a fitness GPS that monitors heart-rate, calories burned, etc. So many goodies, so little money! If I wait a few years maybe Garmin and Apple or whomever will get together and come up with the Forerunner that links to the PDA.

Well, I'm off to go running. I didn't run yesterday - the portion of my legs between calf and heal was on strike. But right now I feel like a rock star because I'm not at work yet.

Why do I rock? Because I did all sorts of things I've been dragging my feet on today.

1. I ran for an hour on Friday and then I did it again Saturday morning. I did not die, although my calves are very displeased.
2. I did my laundry.
3. I got digital photos reformatted, resized and uploaded to my web manager thingy. I even webbed a few to my embroidery links. I found pictures from someone's Persian coat. heh.. good times!
4. I wrestled with HTML on my website. It spent 5 hours kicking my ass, but as soon as I stopped trying to follow the careful rules laid out in my book, I got it into a headlock. I felt like Kirk; sometimes you have to break the rules to win. There's still more to go, but I got it figured out on the main pages. I need to figure out some formatting and then I need to update the rest of the pages. I am insanely pleased with myself, though. It defies logic, but I am. I can't stop cackling and clicking on the menu. (yes, it was all about creating a slicker menu. Wheee!. I stress over the details).
5. The family cried out in hunger while I was getting thumped by HTML. I took a time out and 30 minutes later there was steak, chicken-n-potato in satay, sauted asparagus with chestnuts, sliced apples n pistachios. And hunger was squelched.
6. sometime between now (3:30am) and 9am I need to go to the store to get Nicholas snacks and beverages to share with his Sunday School group... OR... if I'm super sly, maybe I can wheedle daddy into doing it...

wow... I can't stop cackling... I'm full of 'Rock'! I may have to go watch Ghost Rider or something. I should go to bed. I will be sad if I don't go to bed. okay, going to bed. But I'll be snickering at how I outfoxed HTML for a bit. I feel like Plankton from Spongebob. Muh-ha-ha...

Unfiltered like usual because, IMO, once you post it here it might as well be unfiltered. The only stuff I filter is work-related just in case one of my erstwhile colleagues is skimming LJ for key words.

Cut for your protection. Unfiltered opinions.
( Tired of the SCA BS )

Shopping and Diversity in Concord. It just amazes me that in Concord, which is a suburb and not one celebrated for its cultural diversity, there are so many opportunities to learn about other cultures and experience ethnic foods.
( Read more... )

Some people do drunk posts. I'm doing an endorfin post because I just got back from the gym.

I need help from my lj-friends who can web-sling. I have been fiddling with my website. It seems to load slow on my computer AND I have to hit refresh to get all the colored background to fill in. Any suggestions? Or am I the only one seeing that? I am learning by trial and error... lots of error to go around.

I have life, but it's a dull roar. I prefer the dull roar to the tsunami of destruction.

Work continues to hound me and amuse me. I'm getting bored with my job; I like it when the boss is out because his job is more interesting. ... uh oh...

Miss E had a melt down when I wanted her to do her book report tonight; she had it in her head that it was already done. It wasn't so we did it. What does a first-grader book report look like? There's a list of options. Tonight we made paper-sack puppets and she put on the puppet show of "The Billy Goats Gruff," which is the story we've been working on. She even did different voices for each billy goat and the troll. I laughed out loud.

Super N has been super mellow. Which is great because the bigger they get, the bigger the boat rocks when they cross the line. Tonight his homework was done before I picked him up so he got a reward: 30 minutes of computer games. At some point this weekend he and I will go bike-riding.

A few thoughts - feel free to ignore.

1. My heart is crying for Aldith. It sucks. I've been there.

2. If someone has an apology, don't hide behind your keyboard. Statistically, 93% of a message is non-verbal. So a key-board apology is only a 7% apology. Get off your butt and go deliver the other 93% in person.

3. Freeze Drying, aka, Lyophilization, is totally cool. I wish I had some liquid Nitrogen and a vacuum pump. Muh-ha-ha... the things I could do!

4. My girl asked for "Egg without Oke" tonight. heh. We are still giggling.

5. I am ready to fire up the sewing machine and put the students through their paces... errr... "ready to nurture and encourage with gentle enthusiasm... like always."

6. Huge congrats to Leotulf and Gillian. I am thrilled I will have someone to swear fealty to. (The current Misties are pretty rockin' too.)

7. I want my loved ones to take care of their health. I can't do it for you, but I won't ever give up on trying to lure you out onto bike rides and runs. And when I say I believe in "better living through chemistry", it means I can't live without Diet Coke, it does not mean I think we should be taking meds because we've neglected our well being.

8. I blew it at the Freeze-Drying seminar today. I am with a bunch of strangers at the Hilton in Burlingame. (Which is a 4hr/day commute, fyi...bleck). Over lunch Older Guy across from me is telling us how his daughter walked away from an internship "because she didn't like her boss."
He scoffed and said she was "a nut". I commented that it takes a lot of strength to be a woman in the science/technology community. He rolled his eyes and said he didn't really see why.

You know, I distinctly felt my big red button get depressed, but I didn't feel any anger or any rush nor any flush to my cheeks. I felt calm, strong and superior in the knowledge of my experience. Usually there's an emotional response in me, but there wasn't.

I didn't hesitate to respond, though. I leaned forward and stage whispered so that everyone else could hear us, "I bet no one has ever looked down your top, I'm sure you've never been sent to make the coffee and I doubt you are the first person people frequently turn to for recording action items and for the decision log. Perhaps your daughter recognized a boss who did not value her and she cut her losses before he could convince her that she was just a woman and not a person of intellect."

yeah... I totally should have said nothing. He bristled a bit. Honestly, there's no way I could know his daughter better than him and he totally deserved to bristle at me. He said that he's never experienced or seen such a thing.

"Well, people won't treat you the way they treat women. But perhaps you've always worked somewhere enlightened. We're not all that lucky."

blah blah blah. I know I pissed him off. That was just a bit of sop for his ego. I was impressed that he took the conversation in a new direction but 10 minutes later he commented thoughtfully that he's never judged someone by their gender and he didn't think that such things happened anymore. I decided to let it lay. Nothing new to accomplish, but maybe his eyes will be open. And maybe he'll be more approachable for his daughter. Or maybe he'll stop describing her as a nut.

And the rest of the table? Yeah, I think they pegged me as a fire-brand. I'm taking my running shoes tomorrow and going running on the shore-path. I'll just skip the whole social "pop quiz" over lunch.

an LJ comic strip I enjoy. Often funny. Frequently sarcastic. Just to take the edge off all the serious crap on the radar. Scroll back to 10/06 for the Scooby Doo spoof

beatonna

Last night I had a slice of heaven.

Daddy picked the kids up from school and they beat me home. I can't even remember the last time that happened. I got home from the dentist to hugs and kisses from all and he was starting dinner. I plopped down to watch him putter in the kitchen. I think I had the biggest smile on my face all night. The kids flanked me with their homework at the kitchen bar-top and I spread my attention between them and daddy. I kept bouncing up and running over to hug F. He was a little nervous - couldn't figure out why I was so giddy and huggy, asking me what was up and being suspiscious (maybe I had a new credit card purchase to spring on him? a plan to clean the garage? an overbooked weekend to spring on him? he was waiting for the other shoe to drop). I just told him I was happy to have him home before bed-time. We had homework done in time to eat together and then we all piled on the sofa to watch TV. Miss E zonked out on Daddy's chest while Super N used me as a back-rest and laughed with us through a TV program. They went to bed and then we snuggled without the kids squeezing in between us.

It was amazing. I think this is how everyone else lives. I want more of that.

tonight? well, it's 10pm and he hasn't called yet. That tells me he's doing his nightly conference call from the office (which is 70+ miles from home) and he'll call right before he heads home. sigh.

I'll just close my eyes and relive last night.

Decline due to Moral Weakness in Women( as quoted here )

I haven't worked an 8hour day since the Friday before Crown and I haven't been to work since 10/6. And it's totally pouring out and I have to scurry from building to building all day. pheh! Guess where I totally don't want to be right now? Yup. Work.

So I shall relate something that had me laughing pretty hard. ( Miss E narrates Tournament Finals )

Funny things kids say/do:
Miss E says she doesn't want kids because (drum roll) they'd want to sit in MY lap and there just isn't enough room for her and her (non-existent) kids in my lap. I laughed. I assured her that there'd always be room in my lap for her AND that it's too soon to worry about having kids.

Super N has a new trick. He snuggles in under my arm and then sneakily reaches up to tickle me in the arm-pit. He thinks he's so sly, but he actually has this adorable "sneaky" expression so I know he's up to something even before he strikes. But I don't tell him that he's telegraphing because it's how I'll stay one step ahead of him (which is how I maintain my Super Mom status) AND it's so adorable I don't want him to mask it. In fact, it's so adorable that I start laugh as soon as I see it, even before he strikes. After he strikes I have to lesson him in Tickle-Fu of course, and I am a Black Belt in Tickle-Fu. There is much screaming, squirming, gasping, and laughing when Mommy throws down with Tickle-Fu. And yet... tonight I expect he'll try his sneak attack again. :-D

The rest of this post is about Miss E, Barbie dolls, and birthday wishes.

( Read more... )

My brain is full to the brim.( of no particular import )

1. F is feeling better. Yay. (He wasn't doing too well on Sunday, which is a huge understatement, but I don't want to explain or go into more details right now. I'm just glad he's home, feeling sassy, and full of smiles.)

2. The dishwasher is installed. Hooray!

3. I had today off for bereavement leave. We head up to Portland tomorrow (instead of today/tonight), so I had the whole day to relax, putter, and unwind from recent super-duper stress.

4. I ran 4+ miles today outside on the lovely trail nearby and I really got to enjoy the beauty of the day and scope out some cool back-yards. (I love looking at how people have done their backyards.)

5. It's officially slow-cooker season in our house and I did my first roast. Nom nom nom.

bonus round:
art... I duz art. Fiber art. yay!
kids ... got portraits done. I will share behind a cut so that their blazing cuteness doesn't blind everyone. I put in a shot of each from when they were 2, as well. I can't believe how lucky I am.
house.. annie came today... I love annie (like that song, "I love candy".)
Idle enjoyment... new season of NCIS has started. Both of the first 2 episodes made me cry.

( the light is so bright )

and in memory of Evalyn Bodkins, who has inspired me for the last 20 years and for whom I named my daughter. You were a pillar of strength who cared for your family in the hardest of times, who always put others first, and who didn't hold back from saying the hard things. I will miss you everyday.
( pictures )

Freedom of Speech, Baby! Learn it. Love it. Curtail mine at your own risk.

When I was growing up, I was bullied. Bigger, cooler kids made me afraid to stick up for myself. They hurt me physically, they taunted me, and everytime I backed off, they gained power over me. I had teachers harrass me in high school because it was clear that I was mousey and my parents were too afraid to stand up for me. When I was in college several of my instructors let me know who had the power: the organic chem teacher at CSM litterally told me to go home and have babies. He gave me a "D" in my lab book because he expected "girls" to have better hand writing. The mechanical engineering instructor lied and screwed me over with an "F". My senior project group dumped all the work on me. When I worked at UL I was bullied, harrassed, and litterally threatened with a golf-club. The golf-club guy was protected and I was fired.

Occasionally (super-rarely) I fought back. Buses seem to be my thing because I have been in MULTIPLE fist fights on buses; maybe it's the tight quarters. Like the guy who spit a loogie on me when I was in high school. I went completely nuts with anger and had an out-of-body experience... like someone else was moving my limbs. When I snapped back in and could feel my skin again I was standing over the spitter whaling away in his face, blood spurting from his nose as he tried to protect his head from me. I'd moved 6 feet and climbed over the back of a seat to corner him and beat the shit out of him. That's the fury of a bully-victim snapping. But that was the exception, not the rule.

Always the message from my parents and colleagues was, "Be quiet and maybe it will go away."

I'm not going to be quiet. I'm not going away. I'm not going to let anyone bully me. I have my rights. If you try to curtail them, I will happily tell you to go fuck yourself. I will joyfully bring on all the fury of someone who's been kept down and who's looking for some payback. No measure is too extreme when it comes to defending myself or for standing up for what's right.

Silence is just another weapon that bullies use to gain power. I'm not going to be silent. Ever.

I think everyone needs some perspective. In the real world I deal with costly, stressful decisions that impact the welfare of people who use our medicine. At home I don my Super Mom cape and try to teach my kids to believe in themselves and to be good citizens. In my free time I don't want drama. In fact, at home we have a saying, "Drama means time out in your bedroom".

So on the one hand, the shenanigans going down in the SCA are not life-threatening and on the world-scale of events, are minor. However, they bring unwelcome drama to an activity that's supposed to be fun in a sandbox that claims that integrity, honor, and chivalry have value. And it's a sandbox I play in because it's supposedly the one place where my personal value of integrity is the norm and not the exception.

I finally have time to put my thoughts here.
( IMO )

I am deep in thought and perturbed about recent drama.

I feel a long philosophical post coming. Maybe tonight if I can tackle the mountain of dishes in the kitchen. It has to do with bullies, Big Brother, our rights to peacefully gather, our rights to speak out, and laziness. Laziness of thought, laziness in allowing events to follow a course without speaking out, laziness in following protocols (i.e. the rules)... Choosing to be silent is still choosing. Allowing someone else to make your choices is still choosing.

Life has been too busy to post much.

In brief:

-Super N has been getting into fights at day care and school. ( Read more... )

-Miss E apparently has no fear. She stopped my heart 2x at the Susan G Komen "Race for the Cure". She'd been walking next to me and in front of me and suddenly she was GONE!!!!! She apparently took it on herself to stop and was swept away by the crowd both times. Did I freak? OMFG YES! And did she freak? No. She seemed perturbed that it took me so long to find her - no fear at all. ARGH! Super N bounced along for almost the entire 5K of the "race".

-We (still) have no dishwasher. The family is tired of the same old take-out, so Friday we took the kids to Thai. The kids like deep fried taro root (I told them it was Thai French Fries). Super N LOVES chicken satay (without sauce) and chicken in mild curry. Neither likes spring rolls. Miss E... well, she didn't eat much and got hungry later on. But Super N was a total pleasure to eat with. It makes him fun to take out.

-Susan G Komen on Sunday was fun. Took BART.

-Layoffs at work shortly. At least the guess-work and speculation will end. So will some of our jobs... sigh.

-Mom R had shoulder surgery. She didn't come out of it smooth but new drugs have been acquired.

-Still no dishwasher. sigh.

-took a friend bike riding on Saturday, proving I could do that WITHOUT breaking someone. Yay.

There wasn't enough drama? Really? Really! Come on.